Monday, April 23, 2007

Patricia Hewitt: Long Life and Munchies, Dudes!

British Health Secretary Patricia Hewitt has let it be known that she experimented with cannabis when she was a student.

That's the same Patricia Hewitt who, a couple of weeks ago, deplored (her word) Leading Seaman Faye Turney's smoking a cigarette on the front pages of so many of the world's newspapers.

Did I hear you mumble fucking ridiculous under your breath just now? Yes? Well, tut! There's no call for that kind of language here. Anyway, the fault is assuredly yours if you were under the impression that Ms. Hewitt's recriminations re. Seaman Turney sprang from a desire to improve the physical health of Britons. She herself explained at the time that it was the sight of someone smoking a licit substance in full view of the public that "sends completely the wrong message to our young people." ... That is (if you're still not getting it): it wasn't the abuse of health that raised her ire so much as it was the spectacle of someone daring to indulge in behaviour that is protected by law--doing so, moreover, in front of impressionable young citizens at very serious risk of coming to believe that they too are so entitled.

Which explains this most recent PR counteroffensive. How, after all, can a government as committed to the suppression of freedom as New Labour is, ever succeed in its enterprise (of suppressing freedom, I mean) if it maintains that it is good to do lawful things, and bad to do unlawful things? Imagine the chaos of sheer bureaucratic idleness that would follow if it did!

... The pièce de résistance?
I tried cannabis once when I was a student. It didn't do anything for me and I never tried it again.
The suggestion being, you realize, that if it did do something for her, than matters might stand differently . Oh! how the dedicated pot-head must be cursing his ill-fortune that the British government cannot attribute to its prodigious, super-human authority Mary Jane's keening influence!

But still: it's a conspiracy, so don't be fooled. There is only one explanation for New Labour's being able to recognize as Truth what all the rest of us poor plodders see only as tyrannical lunacy. Weed. Lots of it.