Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Hello! My Name is JOE FRIDAY

Surely not just name tags, but big, blinking, coloured-light lit "Hello! My name is" name tags. Oh, and frizzy, foot-high rainbow wigs and giant red rubber noses. And no clothes! Honestly! For the sake of transparency and accountability the Toronto Police Service should be required, at all times, to be naked. That way when they've abused their authority victims will be able to report that:

“He had strawberry blonde pubic hair, I'll swear to that! And a very small penis.”

“Sounds like Wilson to me. Detective Sharrow! Yeah, you—with the medium size penis, chicken arms and lopsided nipples, get Wilson in here on the—”

“My name's Farrow, not Sharrow! Can't you read?!”

“Oh, sorry. The print's small and you're standing 6 feet away from me. Just let me put on my glasses here ... ”

“I don't mean to interrupt, Detective, but his name tag didn't say Wilson.”

“Well, he probably switched it with somebody else's. Or took it off. You can take off a name tag, you know.”

“I didn't think of that.”

“Yeah, well, anyway ... How big did you say his penis was again—or you said it was small, didn’t you … ”

Still, one wonders: if the name tag experiment has already been performed in Calgary, Edmonton, and Vancouver mightn't we be able to say with some certainty whether or not the TPA's concerns about officers' personal safety—and their families'—are founded at all? … On the ball as ever, Mr. Star!