Friday, September 15, 2006

The Star Proclaims: Liberté Jamais!

Welcome, Mr. Penn, to the lamest town on Earth.

Easy there! Don't run away just yet ... Mrs. Star would like to have a quick word or two with you, if you don't mind. Eyes front, please. Hands out of pockets, there's a good lad.

Spitfire, what? Damned fine woman!

For future reference though, chappy, there are just two things you need to remember about Toronto, the 21st century's fertile ground for the historical tyrant's obliging corn. One: you've taken a look around the place so it mustn't be too much of a leap for you to recognize that, no, we really don't have anything better to do. Two: our hatred of smokers is surpassed only by our hatred of anyone perceived to be rising above the general level (though, I'll admit, we might be under a slight misapprehension as regards your, and indeed all other actors', accomplishments). Dog have mercy upon your soul if you should dare to twin these heinous sins!

You had us here and here, Sean, but ... Smoking?! One wonders if you and Mel Gibson have anything else in common.